Today marks the one month birthday for our precious baby Scott. I wish so badly that I could just hold him right now and celebrate it with him. The hardest part for me is still having the need to nurture and hold my baby. I guess it is just motherly instinct that comes with being pregnant for so long and having a baby.
I seek comfort through prayers and being with my friends and family a lot. I think now I am inspired by an old roommate who recently lost her little boy to read more. I think searching the scriptures and talks can also bring great comfort. Philip and Summer have boost my spirits several times when I am feeling sad. Little Summer comes to me and asks me if I am missing Scott. She then holds me and pats my back and says its OK. What would I do without her.
If Scott could hear me, which I think he can, I would want him to know how much I love him . I would tell him how proud I am of him that he was so strong and courageous to accept such a short time her on earth. I would say to him that he gave us the best 9 hours he possibly could have, and I am so thankful he allowed us to get to know him a little bit. I would tell him that I miss his hands and feet, and kissing him on the cheeks. Really, I would not be able to stop talking to him, but I would want him to know that I can't wait to hold him again. I know I will get to, just not as soon as I would like.
Scott is an inspiration to me to live a better life. I am sure he is happy to be a part of our family. I have learned so much over the course of the last 6 months, and especially the last month. I am still learning and growing from this special and difficult experience. I await the day I can at last hold my precious little one again. For now I will hold on to the time I did have with him and the memories that were left of him. That will raise my spirit to know he is real and that he will be just as real and special when we see him again.