Thursday, July 17, 2008

Missing My Scott

Today marks the one month birthday for our precious baby Scott. I wish so badly that I could just hold him right now and celebrate it with him. The hardest part for me is still having the need to nurture and hold my baby. I guess it is just motherly instinct that comes with being pregnant for so long and having a baby.

I seek comfort through prayers and being with my friends and family a lot. I think now I am inspired by an old roommate who recently lost her little boy to read more. I think searching the scriptures and talks can also bring great comfort. Philip and Summer have boost my spirits several times when I am feeling sad. Little Summer comes to me and asks me if I am missing Scott. She then holds me and pats my back and says its OK. What would I do without her.

If Scott could hear me, which I think he can, I would want him to know how much I love him . I would tell him how proud I am of him that he was so strong and courageous to accept such a short time her on earth. I would say to him that he gave us the best 9 hours he possibly could have, and I am so thankful he allowed us to get to know him a little bit. I would tell him that I miss his hands and feet, and kissing him on the cheeks. Really, I would not be able to stop talking to him, but I would want him to know that I can't wait to hold him again. I know I will get to, just not as soon as I would like.

Scott is an inspiration to me to live a better life. I am sure he is happy to be a part of our family. I have learned so much over the course of the last 6 months, and especially the last month. I am still learning and growing from this special and difficult experience. I await the day I can at last hold my precious little one again. For now I will hold on to the time I did have with him and the memories that were left of him. That will raise my spirit to know he is real and that he will be just as real and special when we see him again.

10 comments:

Emma said...

What a sweet post. I'm sure you will be able to hold him again some day. Summer is such a sweet girl. I love the pictures. I'm glad you took so many

Heather & Nate said...

What amazing pictures. Melissa you are an inspiration to me. I know you will see & hold Scott again. You are such a strong person and have learned so much from this experience. Thanks for sharing.

Kaylene said...

((((HUGS)))) Happy Birthday little Scott.

Stacie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stacie said...

I am a mother of a stillborn. Although a slightly different situation, but we still have the same ache and longing to hold our babies. Your blog just brought back every single feeling of that day in our lives when we lost our little Faith. Please know...I know what you are going through... and it does get easier! There isn't a day that goes by that you don't think about your sweet baby, but you do heal and it becomes something absolutely wonderful to talk about to others. I always felt from the second I found out that Faith wasn't alive anymore that I was going through this experience to not only learn of the Atonement of our Savior, but to also be there to help others when they go through hard times. It is such an amazing experience, and as sad as it was, I was so grateful for it. It makes you so grateful that you have the gospel in your lives, imagine not having that. It not only brought our family closer, but it made me cherish my babies after. Your next pregnancy will be very hard, and you will wonder the entire time, but go to your Dr. and ask for tests and ultrasounds. It will bring so much comfort. I am so sorry for your loss, I truly understand. Just know that many prayers are being offered on your behalf. I would love to email back and forth, if you are willing. I would love to hear your story from your words. I would love to talk with you, we have something in common that is so hard, but so wonderful. We both have perfect babies! Please email me, littlethomasfamily@msn.com.

You should contact Robert Silver at U of U hospital once you get the autopsy information back, he will be able to go over it with you word for word and explain it all. When the time comes and you choose to get pregnant again, he is also doing a study on mom's like us, you should contact him about that as well. In due time. He will really be able to close a door, and give you answers, when you are ready.

Please email me, I would love to talk with you.

Jeff, Nancy and Nathan said...

You are so special Melissa. You truly are an inspiration. Thank you for sharing these special moments with all of us.

Tara said...

I'm so glad you are able to talk about Scott and share pictures of him. They are beautiful. You have the most beautiful family.

Hillman Family said...

Melissa, you are an amazing person! The peace of the gospel is amazing, isn't it? Thank you for posting your feelings. I hope you know how many people are praying for you and your little family.
Dayna

Marcy M Miller said...

The pictures are beatiful. Thank goodness for the blessings of the temple, that families can be forever. I am sure your heart aches everyday, I can't even imagine. Just remember you are an amazing person and a daughter of God- so you can do anything.

Jessica said...

Sweet Melissa, thank you so much for your courage and faith. You are truly amazing. Thank you.